


Sea, Love & Letter

by findingpsykey



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Angst, Death, Drama, Established Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung | V & Park Jimin Are Best Friends, M/M, Min Yoongi | Suga & Park Jimin Are Best Friends, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Bad at Feelings, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Whipped, Min Yoongi | Suga is So Done, Temporary Amnesia, Top Min Yoongi | Suga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 15:09:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19175854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/findingpsykey/pseuds/findingpsykey
Summary: He stopped talking. There was a complete silence all of a sudden and a cold breeze kissed Jimin's cheeks. Yoongi didn't make any sound nor moved a single muscle. He was just still, calm... he was like an imagination."Hyung-nim...""... thank you for being my light.""Thank you for being my night too."He chuckled. "I know you never wanted cliché things so thank you for not cringing right now.""You're my moon.""Please, never be gone.""I love you, Min hyung-nim."





	Sea, Love & Letter

A/N: Might or might not be long since this is a one shot au so please bear. Excuse the grammatical and typographical errors too. Gomawo!

··· • ··· • ···

1

"... Park"

Before the last period he had to add on the last sentence came the first drop from his orbs after many years. His face that had been dried by the frequent intake of liquor during his sleepless night and gloomy day, Yoongi moistened his skin with his very own tears. 

Snorting, endless snorting to express his disapproval of what was happening to him. But nothing could ever stop the man from sobbing. It would be the last, at least he should feel human-y, he thought. 

"... Park."

··· • ··· • ···

2

He laid down on the couch after the long trip from Jimin's favorite place- the vast sea. As usual, Yoongi was exhausted. Engaging in any physical activities was tiring for him, but having to do it with the only friend he considered his entire life, it was safe to say that he enjoyed. A lot. 

"Eyes on the road, Park. I told you I should have just dropped you home. Tsk." Yoongi read the message he typed for the other male and accidentally pressed send.

"I think I sounded so cliché... but whatever, it's him." he said, smiling sweetly while unconsciously scrolling through their older messages. 

"Min hyung-nim, bring me to Maldives!" he read the last message Jimin sent him.

"Anyway, about Maldives, until you become obedient and stop being a spoiled brat, not gonna bring you there."

··· • ··· • ···

3

"Planning to visit the pet sanctuary near your pad, give me a heads up if you are in." Yoongi pressed the send button with so much anxiety going inside his head. Six hours passed and there was no sign of Jimin. It was too much for him to bear, for his mind to process and endure. For each second that passed, he was becoming a bigger ball of negativity.

He tried to let go of his phone and sleep but the younger kept on bursting in his subconscious, big time! The thought of the younger was bugging him and worrying him like hell.

"No plans?"  
"The pups and kitties will feel bad."  
"And little meow meow?"

··· • ··· • ···

4

"2 am. It's close. Tomorrow then?" it was the first thing he sent after he woke up with a jolt. He placed his phone beside him and lay flat on his back. Beads of sweat formed on his temple despite of the freezing temperature in the room. His chest was moving erratically, his hands felt cold and his heart was beating so fast.

"Park..." a soft yet worried voice uttering the younger's name escaped Yoongi's lips before his phone rang. Instead of picking it up, he stared at it for like a minute until the ringing went off. He knew it was not Jimin because the other disliked phone calls and it made him feel even more worried. The phone screen lit up and a message notification popped out; Yoongi gulped a lump in his throat.

"JESUS CHRIST, PARK!"

··· • ··· • ···

5

"Jimin was in a car accident. We need you here at SNUH."

Those were the last words seen on his phone screen before he slammed it against the wall and rushed outside his pad.

Fast was an understatement and fuck speed limits. Yoongi hit the gas like it would be the last time he would be driving as he headed for the hospital. His grip on the wheels made his veins look like it would be popping out any time. His eyes were filled with anger and worry... no, those eyes were also sad. Deeply sad.

"Park, ya better be awake. Ya fucking wake up because..." He gasped for air. "...because I only have you! Damn it, I only have you so better wake up you dumbass!"

··· • ··· • ···

6

Sitting on the chair in front of a desk inside a four-cornered, white-walled cold room, Yoongi could vaguely understand everything the doctor was explaining while he stared at the nothingness in front of him. He hadn't seen Jimin yet and he was already itching to. Good news that he was already awake. bad news that he was in a bad shape.

"Two options, sir. We open him up and try to repair all the damages but it is not guaranteed since he really had a very bad cardiac contusion, or we will do a heart replacement surgery. The problem is we have to find a donor right away. He will not last for a week if he stays in his condition right now." The doctor explained. "Sir?"

Yoongi's thoughts were put into a halt. He looked at the doctor even when he was already feeling weak to even move a muscle. Jimin... heart surgery... no. His strength became his very own weakness too. He knew he already needed to see the younger lad, he needed to see Jimin.

"I want to see him."

··· • ··· • ···

7

"Yoongi hyung." Taehyung, a friend, stood up to welcome him but he did not bother acknowledging the other's gesture. Yoongi walked straight towards the bed where Jimin was lying down, eyes closed. His face was bloated with some bruises and wounds but he was still an angel to Yoongi's eyes.

"Unconscious?" He asked, staring at the still Jimin. He had a cannula stuck inside his tiny nose and many more tubes were connected on his body. The elder felt his heart crushing even more as he watched Jimin in that state yet he couldn't look away. 

"He fell asleep again. Yoongi hyung, there's something you have to kn--"  
"Will you please give us space for now?"  
"But Yoon--"  
"Just."

When Taehyung left, Yoongi grabbed a chair and sat down beside the bed. he held Jimin's small hands and it was cold. "When was the last time I held your hand?"

"I want to cry but I should not. You have been my strength and now I have to be your strength. I am your best friend, right?"

"Park, hold on. We will all get through these and I promise I will bring you to Maldives once you get back to your jams again. Where's the spoiled brat now? Please... not like this, this is not you."

Jimin's hand suddenly moved, making Yoongi stop from talking and smile. "Park? you're awake... damn it. You're such an idiot, really!" He exclaimed, scolding the half-awake Jimin.

"Uh- who are you?"

··· • ··· • ···

8

Jimin looked around repeatedly before laying his eyes back on Yoongi who was still holding his hands. Although weak, he managed to remove his hand from the elder's grip. "Who are you?" He asked innocently.

Yoongi chuckled in disbelief thinking Jimin was pulling off yet another show despite of his condition. He tried to reach for the lad's hand but the other moved it away again.

"I am sorry but I do not know you."  
"You gotta be kidding me. it's Min hyung-nim, Park." He said, chuckling fakely while speaking to hide his cracking voice.  
"Park? Why do you know my last name? I'm sorry but I really don't remember you..." Jimin said weakly as he inhaled deeply with his nose as if there was no enough air.

Taehyung who had been checking them inside got in to collect Yoongi. Jimin smiled at the sight of his friend and even tried to wave a hand, acting the very same way Yongi knew him. "Jim! he's my friend, gonna talk to him first, eo?"

"Your friend? Wait, stop! Let me talk to my best friend." Yoongi tried to remove Tae's hands off him but the lad was strong enough to restrain the elder.  
"Stop it Yoongi hyung-nim. He has amnesia and you will confuse him more with what you are doing."

Yoongi's legs felt weak that he almost fell on the floor. Taehyung dragged him out of the room without him noticing. he was taken aback, he was so shocked. "Amnesia?"

··· • ··· • ···

9

"Selective amnesia. We didn't know 'til I mentioned about you. He looked confused so I asked him to try remembering but..." Taehyung stopped halfway and sighed. He looked sad too, but Yoongi was sadder. "... then he started having difficulty in breathing afterwards. The doctor suggested not to talk about anything that might stress him out." Taehyung said in front of Yoongi who was sitting on hospital bench. He looked soullessly staring at nowhere, still trying to process what was happening.

"When I saw him there... lying on bed. I wanted to grab his hand right away. Because... because I never held it again after the first time I felt its warmth." His voice cracked. Yoongi, the coolest person Jimin knew started to lose his charms.

"Earlier when I held it. It was so cold, Taehyung. It was goddamned cold that I couldn't say it was him. But his hand, it was still small and soft... it was still my Park's hand. I now regret all the times that I intentionally ignored and dodged all his skinship initiations. Fuck it, Tae! All i wanted was to wrap him around my arms this entire fucking time."

"I know you just don't see him as a bestfriend, hyung-nim. But why are you hiding it?"

He looked up at Taehyung and smirked. "Same question. Why?"

··· • ··· • ···

10

"You have your own life to live!"  
...

Hours passed and Yoongi was still sitting beside Jimin's bed. The younger was asleep so Yoongi took the chance to stay there and look at the most admirable creature ever, at least for him. The elder knew that later when Jimin woke up, he'd be hysterical to see the other again.

He held Jimin's hand as if it was the most delicate thing to ever exist and he stared at it. Only the beeping machines were the noise inside and Yoongi's troubled heart, crying for help. His crying was louder than the thunder roaring in the middle of a stormy night, or a bike's engine starting to life. It could be noticeable by everyone but sadly, he was the only one who was hearing it.

"Nobody can save me from this..." He finally spoke. "... I cannot bear. I cannot bear seeing you like this and I cannot go on without you. You've been the only reason why I tried to get through my anxiety and bipolarity. I wanted to fix myself for you because I want to be able to love you... as a whole. Because you deserve someone who will love you without being a complete fucked up mess."

He moved on his seat. Jimin's cold hand touched his cheek as he brought it there. He squeezed it gently and enjoyed the coldness while missing its warmth.

"Taehyung said that I have my own life to live... was he joking? You are my life to live, Park. My existence is only important because you know me and you appreciate everything, even my worst side..."

"... but now, you don't even know me anymore. I lost my identity because it was you who defined me and I lived to that."

··· • ··· • ···

11

Jimin moved his hand that caused Yoongi to let go of it. He slowly opened his eyes as well as he pulled himself out of slumber. The elder just looked at him, lowkey moving away so he could leave sooner.

"Min hyung-nim..." Jimin said softly.  
"Park? Y-you remember me now?" The joy was there. Yoongi was smiling so wide that his gums were exposed. Only his best friend could ever do that, only Park Jimin.

The younger chuckled before heaving a deep breath. "I do not... I still do not know who Min hyung-nim is. But you can be my Min hyung-nim. How old are you?" Asked Jimin who was smiling.

It hurt him a thousand more. Everything else felt heavier than how it was before that Yoongi could only bit his lowerlip to suppress his tears.

"26." He answered coldly.  
"Oh... what's your real name, hyung-nim?"  
"Min Yoongi."  
"Hi, Min Yoongi hyung-nim. I know you know me already but again, I am Park Jimin. Nice to meet you."

··· • ··· • ···

12

The conversation went on for like ten minutes or more. They had no idea and nobody cared. Jimin just talked and talked until he had to stop to breathe; Yoongi just listened and listened.

"I like the sea." Jimin said with complete adoration enlacing his tiny voice.  
"I know." Yoongi replied.  
"You do? Cool. But this is what you don't know, hyung-nim, I really want to visit Ma-"  
"Maldives." Yoongi cut him off. "You wanted to visit there with me but I didn't bring you because I was planning for something. I had plans for us!"

The frustration reached its peak. Yoongi could no longer bear a single second knowing that Jimin forgot everything about him and everything about them.

"I-I'm sorry..." Jimin spoke softly. "... I'm trying to remember you. I promi-se."

The lad took deep breaths but it seemed like nothing could suffice his needs for air. The machines started making more beeping sounds that panicked Yoongi. He was torn between staying with Jimin who was delirious or going out to call for help.

"Wait for me, Park! I'll be back!"

··· • ··· • ···

13

Yoongi brought his hands to his head and brushed his hair, pulling it in the process to release his frustration while sitting on the hospital bench beside Taehyung. Jimin was still on his way to the intensive care unit after what happened to him with Yoongi. He was scared, so scared for Jimin's condition and what would happen to his best friend, to the love of his life.

"Mr. Min." The doctor approached him so he stood up right away; Taehyung did the same.  
"How is he?" Asked Yoongi.  
"The patient is now in the ICU. To be honest, sir, he is now in a very bad shape. His heart is barely functioning and he has to go through the operation right away. Either of the two options, sir."

Taehyung tapped Yoongi's back without saying anything. No words, nothing at all would be able to comfort the man. Nothing would ever be able to ease his aching.

"What can we do, doc?" Taehyung asked while Yoongi seemed to be spacing out.  
"We have to find a heart donor. If we will wait for what the hospital can offer, there are 31 others before the patient."

"How about mine?" Yoongi interrupted. The two male looked really shocked especially Taehyung.  
"Hss. No, Yoongi hyung-nim. No. Jimin will not like that." He hissed in disapproval.  
"Sir, we cannot do that. It will be considered as murder or mercy killing. We cannot execute such process." Explained the doctor.  
"But I want to save him. If he needs a heart then he can take mine. I don't need this. I just need and want him alive!" Yoongi said angrily. He looked away and took deep breaths repeatedly, slowly calming his enraged emotions.

"How big is the success rate of the first process?" Asked Taehyung.  
"For his condition, 20 to 30 percent, sir." The doctor said in a low voice. He must had been shocked by Yoongi's actions.  
"How about the other?" Yoongi asked.  
"Around 50 percent, sir."

It was too low, he thought. But he swore to himself that he would look for the perfect heart just for Jimin no matter how low the chances were. "A'ight. Let me look for a way." He stated before turning to his heels.

"Hyung-nim." Taehyung called him. Yoongi didn't turn around but stopped walking.  
"Eung?"  
"You still have a life to live, remember that. You have to live for your life and make it happier. Jimin wants that above all things."

··· • ··· • ···

14

The rain poured down in the middle of the day even when the sun was still shining brightly. Yoongi who was drinking his 17th glass of rum looked at the windows and watched the heavy rain.

"The sea must be mad right now. How dare you fuck up its tranquility and serenity, bitch? Park would be upset... good thing he is still sleeping." He chuckled.

"That idiot... he'd be running to me and cry because of you? You never failed to make him cry. How dare you, really. Tss."

The paper he was writing on for hours now flew away that he had to stand up and pick it up. He sighed and sat back on the chair to finish it. Yoongi had to, he was running out of time.

"...Park." He placed the missing period on the last sentence before he smiled in satisfaction. "What a beautiful name for beautiful man." He said, then cried.

It wasn't just a cry. He was ugly crying to the point that he sounded like not his ownself. He clutched his chest and sobbed really hard, punching the desk with his other hand. His heart was being crushed repeatedly, in the most exquisite way.

He remembered the old days when he was with Jimin. The moments when Jimin was there with him while he battled his demons. The moments when he stayed and chose to be with Yoongi after everybody left. Jimin was the only person who made him feel what life was about and why it was worth living.

"And how dare me use this heart... just to be pained? How dare me?" He said angrily.

"Park." Yoongi uttered again, still sobbing yet he seemed a little calm. His voice was weaker but still raspy. Still himself.

"Park, Taehyung will be here in a while..."

"... I told him that you already have a heart donor..."

"... yes, Park. You have. You will see Maldives, trust me."

"I miss you, mochimanju."

"Park Jimin..."

"... my eyes... they are dropping."

"Park. I cannot fight it."

"Park..."

"Park, it is a nice life."

"It was a nice life..."

"... because for once, I-"

The chair collapsed so did Yoongi. Things fell from his desk. The glass he used to drink, the bottle of rum, his books and other stuff.

Then another thing dropped.

A small and white bottle...

... then small and white tablets scattered on the floor.

··· • ··· • ···

15

"Min hyung-nim!" Jimin yelled happily as he ran towards Yoongi who was sitting on a big rock near the seashore. He looked fresh and elegant wearing his all-black favorite attire. It flaunted his milky white skin perfectly. The younger sat beside him and watched the dark sky with its glimmering stars and calm sea with its little waves heading towards the sand, dragging anything with them afterwards.

"Min hyung-nim. It's already late..." Jimin said softly. The other was just silent. He was watching the sea and listened to the music the waves created.

"... and I know it's your favorite time of the day. I also love it now. Want to know why?"

Jimin looked at him. He adored the elder's side profile. His nose, shape of his lips, his eyes, his ears, his jaw lines, his hair that fell deliciously on the side of his face... those were the features he fondly stared at.

"You usually say sweet things at night and I like it. It makes me happy whenever you talk, hyung-nim." Jimin said gleefully. "One time, you told me something about the moon."

"I forgot what you said... but here's what I can say about it: The moon is like you. It shows up when needed most, it shows up during the night when we need something to illuminate the world."

"I admit that you don't necessarily show up when I am happy nor when I have other people with me... but during my dark days, you were there. You made me feel your presence evidently that even during my happy days, I remembered you."

He stopped talking. There was a complete silence all of a sudden and a cold breeze kissed Jimin's cheeks. Yoongi didn't make any sound nor moved a single muscle. He was just still, calm... he was like an imagination.

"Hyung-nim..."

"... thank you for being my light."

"Thank you for being my night too."

He chuckled. "I know you never wanted cliché things so thank you for not cringing right now."

"You're my moon."

"Please, never be gone."

"I love you, Min hyung-nim."

He looked at the person beside him but Yoongi's figure was slowly fading away, dispersing into the thin air.

"Min hyung-nim kajima!" Jimin cried out. He tried hugging the figure but failed. He couldn't grasp it at all. "Kajimaa-"

He suddenly woke up.

··· • ··· • ···

16

"What did he say?" Taehyung asked while eating some chips. The wind was blowing hard that he pulled his coat closer to keep himself warm. They were again at Jimin's favorite place- the sea.

"Nothing. It was empty." Jimin replied shortly.  
"Really?"  
"Yeah." He sighed. "Memories... are they worth remembering?"  
"Depends on the memory but yeah of course. You make memories to have something to remember, right? It's like keeping something alive even just in your mind." Taehyung commented, still eating.

"But memories feel nothing when you no longer have the person to share it with... to remember it with."

"It's like you are talking to nobody. No one will understand why or how such memory affects you... nobody will be there to laugh, cry or ridicule a particular memory with you and it's awful. You ache without anybody else knowing."

Jimin looked at Taehyung. The sadness and pain in his eyes were evident. "Gonna take a walk."

He left his friend behind and walked barefooted on the fine sand at the seashore. It was nighttime and the moon was shining brightly to lit up the path he was following. The cold water was touching his feet that made him jolt and step away. It was the first time that he watched the sea with a heavy heart.

Jimin took out a piece of paper from his pocket and unfolded it. The same words from two weeks ago pinched his heart for the nth time. It was Yoongi's letter for him.

"Min Yoongi..."

··· • ··· • ···

17

"I loved you for so long but you never knew. I hid it very well that you never had an idea and I think you'd never understand now that you have forgotten about me.

I was fucked up. My life was a complete mess until you came and fixed it with me. There were times that I gave up on myself but you were there to continue picking up my broken pieces and put it back together for me. I felt bad and sorry. For a person like you who loves to appreciate the simplest things and loves to smile, so genuine, lovely and admirable, you didn't deserve to deal with a person like me.

But I was selfish. I couldn't stop loving you so I stayed and continued but never told you. I tried to fix myself on my own so that on the day that I would finally tell you how I felt, I would be already fixed and perfectly polished. I would be finally deserving.

Yet apparently, life is not a wish-granting factory. When I knew that you were dying, I tried to imagine how worthless the world would be without you. Then Taehyung told me that I had to live my life and make it happier. I thought he was funny. Was he mocking me? How would I ever be able to make you happier if you were dying?

So now... you finally have it. I wanted to give you the perfect heart and I thought maybe mine was that perfect heart. Is it? I hope it is because as cliché as this may sound but that belonged to you long ago, and it only beated for you.

It was a good life because for once, I had a Park Jimin in my life and I can say this was the best life my reincarnations could ever live.

This was little meow meow.

I love you, my Park."

Empty words because you left.

You left me for this?

You made me live just to feel dead every day without your existence.

I remember you and everything.

Thank you for giving me something to remember. It could have been better if you were still here.

But I have your heart.

And I am in it, right?

Anyway...

... I love you more, my Min.

··· • ··· • ···

30


End file.
